By Beyltwinsauthors
Thomas Hawthorne is a forty-year-old former navy seal, mixed martial arts fighter, and foreman at a construction company. After his parents’ untimely death, he and his three younger sisters (triples half his age) are just arriving at their p
So far, the reading has been enjoyable, with no grammatical errors and an interesting proposal. However, the heavy use of descriptions diminishes some of my interest. Sixty percent of the chapter consists of descriptions of the setting and various things happening in the background.
I think increasing the use of character dialogue would improve this aspect. Aside from that, it's good work, and I have high hopes for this story.
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The ideas and premise is there no doubt about it. The structure feels unorganized and I often find myself confused as to what is going on and who is saying what. It feels as though I am reading a journal entry rather than a novel. My advice is to slow down and build. You should put more time into establishing the setting before you start pushing the pace. I did enjoy reading and am looking forward to what you build.
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