This is going to prabably sound overly harsh.  I really don't intend to to be, but it's like a cigarette burn on a beautiful painting.  Even if it's a small mark, it dominates one's thoughts when looking.

So the good.  The story, world building, characters, all done fairly well.  I especially love how the author uses a modified D&D system and the various rolls for combat and social situations is quite clever.  The fact that this is the third world and second form of magic the main character has to deal with makes for an interesting set up.

And now the bad.  It's obvious the author doesn't speak English as a first language.  So writing a story in English is nothing short of admirable.  I would not be able to do the reverse.  But because of this, there is some sentence structure that doesn't quite feel right, or odd phrases that may make better sense in the original language.

But then there are the pronouns.  He, she, it, they, you, and any derivative if these you can think of, are all thrown in a mixer and spat back out at seemingly random.  It's such a minor thing, but it bugs me to no end! If two people of the opposite gender interact, it gets super confusing when "her" and "his" keep swapping characters.

Overall, there is a LOT to like about this story.  But just be warned there are some minor grammatical mistakes that can be quite annoying to sift through.

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