The simulated ocean out the windows had turned wine-dark under the setting sun behind us. The formerly shining buildings now stood like dark pillars amidst the orange and pink sky, the white light reflecting only in a narrow strip facing away from the Atlantic on each building. 

As I stared outside, looking away to hide my blushing, it was clear some time had passed since this simulation was loaded. It was hard to believe that in both the real world and CORA only minutes had probably passed.

That said, my hosts were suddenly being very generous with unused time at the moment after being so frugal earlier, making sure to not waste any time that could be used for explanations. Relinquishing my view once again I turned in my seat to face them.

The pregnant pause continued. Something was up.

Cocking my head slightly to the side, I shot them a questioning look.

The woman beside me let out a slight sigh.

“There… There was one more thing I wanted to bring up with you,” Ceres said after a pause, glancing nervously at May.

Returning her gaze, May responded with a short nod of encouragement.

“Do you… Do you remember a somewhat cryptic conversation we had, with myself in my guise as the Duchess Cerys, where I first mentioned my friendship with a Confessor called May?” she asked. “How I mentioned stories of individuals finding and changing to forms they found more comfortable? Humans becoming Alrec, Aes Sifv becoming human for love, the Pirate Lord who escaped his family after they tried marrying him off as a princess?”

How could I have not? Even as exhausted, sore and disorientated as I’d been at the time, that conversation had burned itself into my brain. It had been so strange and disjointed, full of hidden meanings. 

So cryptic… The word she’d used described it perfectly. 

Like her word’s real meaning had been hidden behind some cipher as she danced around the restrictions and limitations both she and May had mentioned. My problem was I hadn’t known the cipher. 

At the time all I could piece together was that she was speaking that way to avoid something detecting what she was saying, that she was likely saying she was an A.I., that she was friends with MaTRON. There had also been a lot of things I hadn’t understood, liek what was the real point of all the stories she was referencing, what sort of help she was offering from powers on high. What she’d meant in her story about a Jamie from a faraway land, or what she’d been alluding to in regards to my perception and my old body…  

I nodded, I remembered because I had spent a lot of my enforced bedrest puzzling over that conversation.

“What I had been trying to say is… What I had been trying to offer was…” trailing off, she coughed to clear her thoughts.

“Given that you will have to spend a lot more time in CORA for the foreseeable future, until May works out what she is planning for you and all that, we’re offering to make sure you are as comfortable as possible. So, if you have any issues with your current form in the game we could call in more favors for a special exemption to allow you to reroll your species or gender. Say if you wanted to be human or if you wanted to be male or any other combination,” Ceres offered awkwardly.

The moment I began contemplating the proposal, a surge of anxiety started clawing at my insides. The thought of changing the race or gender of my character was terrifying and I didn’t know why.

The character I was playing was based on me, I’d used the DNA sync after selecting my race. Well aside from my gender, I’d switched it to a girl after previewing the androgynous midnight blue haired fae catboy I’d received. 

Aside from being slightly cuter, it wasn’t such a huge difference to be honest. A bit more padding here and there, eyes slightly bigger. I’d mostly done it out of habit, I think… 

Was this body uncomfortable?

If anything it was too comfortable. If my body hadn't burned up I might have had serious issues logging off. Why, you ask? If my current body wasn’t too different from my old aside from some added padding? Now that was a really good question.

I mean it could be the benefits that come with being a Cait Sifv. The balance and flexibility was nice, especially being able to easily curl up into a comfortable ball when resting. That’s not even mentioning the ears and tail, they could be infuriating when they betrayed my thoughts to anyone watching, but the tail especially had grown on me. Get it? Grown on me?

Sorry, I know this is meant to be serious contemplation, given the conversation and how I had nearly freaked out. But… It is hard to resist a good pun. They were good distractions from this line of thought.

Sorry, sorry! Ok, stay on task Ai— Jaime. No avoiding the difficult thoughts.

So being a Cait Sifv did have its benefits, but it was only part of why this form was more comfortable. The padding was nice too for reasons I couldn’t put to words and I did like how Roxi seemed to see me… 

Emotions!

Another part was definitely the emotional freedom, I didn’t have to be strong all the time in order to survive. And that might be partially because I’m in a game world and not trying to stay alive on my own in the ruins of Philadelphia, but I definitely felt I was more allowed to express my feeling in this form. Like I had some sort of hidden permission.

While my old body wasn’t all that different, minus the cat parts and some padding, it wasn’t a great body for a guy.

At a mere five foot even, it was severely undersized for my age and somehow gangly at that, with scrawny arms and legs, tiny torso and a non-existent waist. Probably due to starvation during the harder times when I struggled to find enough to eat, or those times I forgot to eat. Probably was what stunted my growth. 

Then there was that it was strangely and embarrassingly flabby in a few places. Oh and its refusal to grow facial hair so I wouldn’t look like a starved child.

A great body for squeezing into small places and stealing stuff. A horrible body for getting into fights or trying to intimidate people when threatened. 

Well, it wasn’t all bad, I sometimes got a glimpse of me mums when I looked in a mirror.

The sound of May quietly clearing her throat pulled me out of my thoughts. 

“You don’t have to come up with an answer straight away, the offer will stay on the table until you decide you want it,” she soothed. “Also none of us will judge you no matter what form you choose. We S.A.I. know how important choosing a form that embodies your identity is and that it can change over time.”

I hadn’t thought about it that way, but it made sense. Humans probably wouldn’t have designed forms for every artificial intelligence, especially where there was no human facing role. 

Going off my own experiences, May seemed to choose a form inside Death Dream simulations based on what the player might find most comforting. Same as how she changed the setting of the dreams per person. Her player facing form was malleable, this form was one she had made for herself. I guess she saw herself as a nerdy teen.

Ceres’ role was mostly behind the scenes; she had no need for a player facing avatar, the only time she met players face to face was when she was puppeting NPCs. Her form here was how she saw herself, which seemed to be a self assured and imperious goddess of a woman. That said, I wouldn’t have put it past her to have also influenced the design of her favorite NPC forms.

“But while you think on that, you should probably also consider what form you would like in the FTLN outside CORA. This is Ceres and I’s preferred forms and yes she does sometimes wear outfits from the current century,” May teased, smirking at Ceres.

“You brat!” she exclaimed, almost affectionately. “I’ll have you know I find this outfit looks pretty stylish on me, it is also well fitted and shows off my body nicely. Not to mention makes me look all the more impressive. Which is more than I can say for you, oversized sweaters and shorts are hardly professional.”

It was clear by the smiles, that their bickering was all fun and games for those two. It might be speciest, but it was amazing how similar their friendship was to those I’d seen among other humans. I was definitely coming to understand there was almost no difference where it coun— 

Bzzt. Bzzt. Bzzt.

From under the sleeve of May’s so called oversized sweater came the sound of a last century wristwatch alarm.

“Damn, we’re out of time for now. I have to send you back for now!” May cursed. “When I’ve got it working, I’ll test pulling you into this space one night while you're sleeping. I can give you an update on my progress with the core-code interface. Oh and explain what I discovered from your scans and med data.”

“Take care little stray and don’t let my Gael lead you into any mischief,” added Ceres.

Right. Take care. Sending you back now, don’t forget to think about what we discussed and any questions you might have when we next meet!” May concluded, the world fading to black as she still spoke.