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I Became A Game Villain
I Became A Game Villain
5.9k Views 40 Favorites 7 Chapters 0 Chapters/Week 128 Readers
3.9 (7 ratings)
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Total Views (All): 5,891
Total Views (Chapters): 2,209
Average Views:316
Word Count:8,146
Average Words:1,164
Pages:30
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Table of Contents 7
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    Error205
    Status: chapter 3 reason behind envoy visit

    I Became A Game Villain begins by dropping you in the middle of the action. No introductions are given, names of places and people are tossed around but there is nothing to latch on to and nothing that seem to relate to anything. There is in short a sever lack of context.

    The conversations feel very unnatural. They mostly consist of exposé and filler. Yet somehow seem to fail to convey any information that seems relevant. An additional effect is that the conversations doesn't help to rectify the already lacking characterizations.

    The synopsis seems to be for another novel. The fact that the main character is a transmigrator and that the world is a game world is mentioned in passing. But none of those facts in any way, shape or form are reflected in the story. They could be removed and nothing would be affected.

    It is not clear what the plot is actually about and what they main character is trying to achieve. What are they trying to do? What is plan? Why would they need to kidnap a large number of people? In general just, why?

    The world itself doesn't seem though out. It is fine to have a long leash here, both since it's a made up story and because the world is allegedly a game world. It would therefore be fine if the world is a bit strange due to for example game mechanics. But those game mechanics would still have to be coherent, just as everything else has to. That said, there is nothing in the story which would make you believe the world is game based. Both the title and the synopsis mentions a game. Yet none is introduced. There is no mention about the game, what type of game it is, nor of any game mechanics. Neither are any of the main character's thoughs and opinions about the game. For example did the main character like it? Dislike it? How did the game mechanics translate to a vivid first person perspective? Same goes for the soul transmigration. I believe it's mentioned once in a monologue, but it changes and impacts nothing, just like the game part.

    The closest to a game system used is the alphabetic ranking system used for quantifying strength and skill (A, B, C, etc.). It's common in fantasy web novels and manga so it's probably fine on that basis alone. Though, in actual games I believe levels are a more common way to quantify strength and skill.

    It is never explained why 15000 or so people are needed for whatever plan is pursued, but they seemed to be collected by slave raiding. It was unclear whether these raids where carried out in their own fief or elsewhere. And it was also unclear whether they where secret or in the open. The people seems to have been required alive for some reason and the main character expected no one to notice a sharp increase in food consumption (15000 is a lot of mouths to feed) ? The king isn't going to assume rebellion if no better explanation can be given? That is ignoring the transportation of a large amount of slaves through a country which outlawed the practice, and they though no one would notice? Why did they need to transport the slaves in the kingdom in the first place? Why not go to one of the other countries (read all other countries) where slavery was legal?

    In addition to countless more questions about the main character's plan, it is also really unclear how the political system works and what level of technology the known world is at. How decentralized or centralized is the kingdom? Is the king nothing more than a figure head? Are the nobles in the kingdom nobles in name only? Somewhere in between? A church is mentioned in one of the chapters, what is it's role in the kingdom hand what power does it hold? Is the entire kingdom in practice a theocracy?

    The same level of neglect is also seen for smaller things. In the first chapter the scene changes to the Training Room at 10 pm, where a number of characters are training, perhaps a bit to hard. How are they able to see? Are they located in the the northern hemisphere and it's summer? Winter and they are in the southern hemisphere? Do they have technology to cheaply and efficiently illuminate the interior of a large room?

    There are a couple of spelling and grammar mistakes, e.g. Missing definitive article (the), missing possessive form, missing auxiliary words. These makes it harder to read and parse the content, especially true for longer more advanced sentences. Some of these mistakes could probably be discovered and alleviate via spell checkers.

    I Became A Game Villain does not know where it is, where it came from or where it's going.

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