Since we were little we dreamed of something otherworldly, impossible, unachievable and with the passage of time those dreams faded away, but did not disappear.
We grew up, but the fire in us did not go out and became a volcano about to erupt.
Witnes the story of a man with the dreams crushed by reality ,does in a world where the very concept of reality is bent by the beings inhabiting it.
Welcome to OFFWORLD!
I really wanted to like this. It has all the caracteristics I usually look for; well planned storybuilding, interesting world/system ideas, characters that has at least some growth.
What got me, is the writing style. It reads (in my opinion) like a hybrid screenwrighting / light novel, wich seems to be a fairly popular way of writing these days. If the wrighter is really good, it might work. Most times it doesn't, it ends up looking like it's written by a 15 year old, or as a transcript off texting for a sensory impaired audience. Here is one example:
"Good, good that's good to hear. The old man is just about finished with the preparations so in about five minutes we will start our job.
*State*
You remember the job don't you?
As long as I get my information first everything is ok, but if you screw up hehe..
*Pshh*
Pure wind elemental energy was released from the man and the air around his seemed to twist.
What finally made me give up, was when the rules for the writing style started to change. Inner dialogue became speech, descriptions has questionmarks, etc, etc.
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Good day author. This comment is mainly for you, maybe reviews are more likely to reach you. Your story is great. Ideas, characters (well I’ve only read of mc) description, but your grammar and punctuation ruins it. I am assuming you are not a native English speaker or it isn’t your first language, so it would do wonders if you use a text checker e.g Grammarly or hire an editor. For those who want to read the book, bookmark it and wait for author to edit it. It is worth waiting for, but currently I didn’t have an enjoyable experience reading.
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