The summary of the story sounds nice and appealing. The execution on the other hand is poor. I don't believe that the author is a native English speaker. When reading this, many of the sentences are incomplete and for me it really disrupts anything the author tries to covey about the story. I read some of the ore recent chapters and there has been improvement in the author's writing but there is enough inconsistencies that take me out of the story. This feels more like machine translation than just playing writing in english.

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I don't think the story is bad at all, skipped ahead to see the general outline of the story which seemed fine but the glaring hole is the grammar and structure single sentence statements over and over.  The combo makes it hard to digest.  I think the first thing author could work on is instead of MC talked to person or MC talked to his girls show those conversations don't just say those conversations happened actually write it out.  Best of luck would love to see later down the road a rewrite because I could absolutely see improvement in writing in most current chapters.

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