By MilexKor
Jun cursed his luck from being reincarnated into the Uchiha clan. He would rather remain dead recalling the fate of the clan. But he was given a new life, and he refused to let it end prematurely. How can he prevent crucial events from happening?
The grammar is good. The story, well, it's a bit above average, I guess. The style is alright. My problem, is with the characters.
1 It's not really explained how Yama (the mc) got his one piece powers. We don't really know where, who he was before his time in the naruto world. He uses powers from one piece easily, like he has experience, even though I'm fairly sure he comes from the modern world.
2 Yama becomes extremely powerful extremely quickly. It may have felt more natural if you didn't have all those time skips.
3 A general problem with character development, but mostly how you did third hokage a bit dirty. I think the third should have had a different reaction to yama calling him out. His reaction in this story is like he's the grandpa of a generic xianxia arrogant young master.
4 This novel has no Romance tag, yet despite that, it has romance. A lot of naruto novels were either dropped or not read by me because they had romance or a harem tag. It's a small thing, but it annoys me a lot. And the romance isn't even that good. It's basically out of nowhere. I could tell it was gonna be sh*tty from the time when yama saw his love interest and thought "She's hot" or something similar. Basically crammed in cause the author lacked originality.
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It is an interesting crossover as the story starts out before the beginning of Naruto anime/manga with the MC having a Devil Fruit. But the MC, Yama, comes off as too much of a Gary Stu, especially for being set in the Naruto Universe.
The biggest gripe I have is the multiple time skips. I feel that the time skips, where used, you lose out on seeing/reading about Yama and Friday's growth and this causes a disconnect with the reader. Getting to see them improve and overcome various obstacles/weaknesses/injuries/setbacks/etc., beyond the few that are shown or just mentioned, would make Yama more relatable to the reader as it shows he is not perfect or have Main Character syndrome where everything goes according to 'his' plan all the time.
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