The story suffers from badly translated light novel syndrome; that is to say that it is likely that the author's first language isn't English and it shows. The words themselves are spelt correctly for the most part, but they are used to make broken sentences that make no sense. 

This harms the story because I as the reader am having trouble understanding what they are conveying; I am constantly in a state of confusion. This removes context, meaning and emotion from the story, while breaking immersion. The sentences also need more description in them to properly deliver any emotions and improve the understanding of the reader. Even the title of the story is in broken English. 

My recommendation: the author needs a English editor. 

Even if the author had a interesting premise for the story, it is ruined by poor execution. 2 stars. 

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