TL;DR: Great premise/ Less than stellar execution

Let me first preface this by saying that, I have read the authors notes and realise this fiction hasn't been edited or proofread. Furthermore, I do realise this is a passion project and that the author is putting quite a lot of effort into this fiction.

However, this doesn't excuse the numerous flaws of this fiction which make it at times downright annoying to read. I hope this breakdown of its flaws helps not only potential readers but the author as well.

1. Confusing dialogue

This might be the most noticeable and off-putting problem. The dialogue is structured in a manner that makes it difficult to determine the speaker. This is further compounded by the author's clunky transition style, which is quite jarring at times. Finally, the tone the characters take seems to consistently shift without cause, even during the same conversation.

2. The lack of consistency, logic and believability

This section probably should have been split into a few parts to adress it fully. However, its genreally the same problem of the plot driving the chracters and not the other way around. A few examples would be

   1.) The unbelievable naivety of Leona

   2.) The ineptness of ostensibly professional individuals. The gang, police, etc)

   3.) Finally, this might be a personal thing but the court scene with Leona's father bothered me. The language used by the judge was especially hard to read.

In essence, this problem stems from the author trying to shoehorn in items for the sake of plot progression at the cost of logical consistency and believability.

There are a few ways to fix this problem

   1.) Extensively flush out the character's goals, personality and quirks. And allow them to play the story out. This is generally the approach taken by long serials. It gives the author much less after the fact control over the plot, as an outcome change would require a situation that is crafted to affect the character while being consistent and not coming across as a plot device.

2.) Another option would be to create a detailed plan going in reverse order from the ending. This requires much more prep work but makes writing much easier and if executed well creates a piece of content that is extremely satisfying to read.

I do have a few more flaws to write, but as I'm currently short on time I'll edit in more later.

One final pont I want to stress is, I don't hate this fiction. I probably would have liked it a few years ago. This means I'll probably stick around to see how it progresses and if some of the points I made prior improves in the future I'll be sure to edit this review as well.

Edit. 5/27 after some consideration changed the title to something less aggressive.

Read More

SuperLuminal. The title is more than just a name.

As a good friend of the author and someone observing from behind the scenes, I actually know more than the normal reader and I am privy to information you aren't.

I know the story has its faults and I won't deny that. But the thing is when the author says this is an as-is story it massively underscores what is relly happening here.

The story is not reproduced and I can attest that. This is not a story that was written and edited beforehand to be published in one massive go. No, all that you see here was written in under 2 weeks. We are talking here about 100k words and countless OF chapters churned in a matter of days!

The author poured all her energy, her heart, her love, her life bloos into this and if you ever think about the quality, consider what I told you first.

But to now the story. Its strength lies in its fluff. Its a cute, heartwarming story without difficult questions. But that is all we need sometimes. We don't need the novel to end all novels, we don't need perfection. Sometimes we just need some fluffy positivity that makes our lives brighter like a little sunshine in the dark. That is SuperLuminal and it neve claims to be something else. It is the story of a girl and her challenges, her dreams, her hopes, and even her fears.

Read More

this is a very cute and very thought out story
I don't know why people give this story 1 star, maybe its authors who are trying to bring book down from 1st place  so they get their story past this and get more readers which is very childish and rude.

Thank you  Rellawing for making a wonderful story

Read More

Read More

I won’t give it a five because it’s not perfect but I will say that it has kept me entertained and is an exciting read the MC personality is bubbly and rubs off on you in all the right ways the world building is not perfect but gives you enough information that you understand what is going on and no new maps are needed as it takes place on earth it is your typical superhero story so not much needs to be said about that either anybody who has watched or read any popular superhero story will understand what is going on right away what can I say it’s enjoyable and definitely worth your time reading

Read More