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Total Views (Chapters): | 268,783 |
Average Views: | 2,052 |
Word Count: | 170,368 |
Average Words: | 1,301 |
Pages: | 620 |
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So since the author asked for some constructive criticism, I'll pitch in my 2 cents as of chapter 2.
The very first and most visibly annoying thing about this fanfic one will notice is the unfortunately somewhat common mistake it makes in trying to be self-aware: it confuses lampshading with satire. The short of it is this: Acknowledging that something is cliche or poorly written doesn't automatically make it not those things anymore.
What makes it significantly more annoying than usual in this fic however is that the author felt the need to perform 80% of said lampshading through author's notes. I don't mean unobtrusive footnotes either; rather I mean an actual note just dropped in the middle of the sentence to let you know how willing the author is to poke fun at his own work (that is when not directly insulting the readers, which happens more than once).
Now, whether or not you find the author's sense of humour funny (personally I don't), these interruptions will still wear out their welcome pretty fast as the flow of sentences and paragraphs gets interrupted over and over again.
Also, as a general rule, it's not really advisable to explicitly mock and insult your readers. Even if you promptly apologize (in an Author's Note of course!), it doesn't change the fact that you chose to post this work with those insult (s) included, making said apologies come off as insincere. That's not a great way to make your readers want to continue reading your story.
This review is getting way too long, so I'll end it here. I hope some of this was helpful!
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I can't give "constructive criticism" when the subject matter is this garbage. So much was done wrong in this "story" that I would actually hold it up as an example of go home and try again.
(Edit: I ended up going on a rant about this story. So I'll leave that part out and just stick a bit here at the end of why it enraged me so.
This story is a textbook example of everything wrong with most fanfictions today. The plot was a total mess from the word "Go". The MC is totally unlikable, remarkably unintelligent, and is often completely unreasonable (for and over) the most inane of reasons. Often to the point of absurdity.
The plot is completely lacking in anything approaching humor or really any hopefulness in general. And no, purposely being an unmitigated asshole does *not* count as "Humor". The author, throughout the story and the AN's, just keeps *hammering* how screwed the MC is.
The worst I leave to the last. It's boring. It's honestly the worst insult I can give a story and I don't do it lightly. Reading this drained me so much so that I felt genuine relief when I got to my stopping chapter and didn't have to keep making myself read anymore of this garbage fire of a story. And I only got that far because I promised myself I would give anything that I read a sporting chance. Time and again I tried to pull myself into this story. Just give it another chapter. It's bound to get better as the author hits their stride. None of that ever happened. And by the time I quit, I was glad to be rid of it.
There's more yet, but if I go any further I'm in danger of going on another rant. Again. I regret reading this because it genuinely made me upset to see such a cool idea squandered so badly. And I regret that the author will see this review and laugh, likely call me something regarding being salty, and move on. This story, given some thorough attention from a competent writer and editor team could be a damn impressive thing. And it's sad that it wont be.
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I'm sorry I have to say this but MC is an idiot and the MC personality hasn't gotten any better after 40 chapters.
I really like the novel but the MC personality is hard to like because he keeps acting like that. I mean, the f**king idiot that act like the most stuipis man I ever see in front of God like that. Anyone who acts like that is just wants to die
[Sorry, my english is not good, hope no one mind that]
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